30 Days of Truth - Day 7

Day 7 - Someone who has made your life worth living for

Sorry it's taken so long, but this is a difficult question to answer.

Hmmm... for some reason, I interpret the answer of this question as a significant other or maybe a child, of which I have neither. So I guess I'll have to pick someone else...

The dictionary defines worth as "good or important enough to justify." Aside from God, which I feel is an obvious answer that I don't want to choose because I don't really identify the Lord as a "someone," I guess that the next most important people to me are my parents.

Yes, I know I bitch about them all of the time. I know they drive me absolutely crazy. I know we don't agree on everything and that I act like a complete idiot on every occasion that I deal with them, but they're my parents. They love me, they're always there for me, and they take such great care of me that I know I'm going to have a difficult time transitioning into taking care of myself.

I try to be a good daughter. I try to make them proud of me and never do anything that will disgrace them. And they definitely make my life worth it.

My daddy=Best daddy in the entire universe.

My mommy.

I always tell her, "Mirror, mirror on the wall; I'm my mother after all," because the older I get, the more I realize I'm picking up her habits and mannerisms. And I know we look alike, so don't say it.

My little sister.

And just so you know, my sister looks like my mom and I too. We should really get together and take more family portraits. Plus, plus, also, and:

HAPPY (belated) NEW YEAR!
(I just realized that this post is dated December 31st because that's when I started it. Technically though, today is January 4th, just for the record.)

30 Days of Truth - Day 6

Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do

I have a long list of things I never want to do, but something I hope I never have to do? Having to do something implies that I've lost control of the situation, and I like being in control of everything...

I hope I never have to lose a child. Death of family members is inevitable, and I expect it of most because people are ephemeral, but if it was my baby? Especially given how much I want one in the first place, to have one and then just have them be gone, and I can't do anything about it? Tragic.

Speaking of babies, I started making a baby blanket for my friend Tina. When it's finished, it'll look like this one:


Only hot pink because girls rule! I just want to get it done before the baby's born sometime in April.

30 Days of Truth - Day 5

Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life

I hope to visit Paris, France one day. And I'm not talking about a couple days stay either. I want to "live" there maybe a couple months or even a few years, but not permanently unless I get there and it is as great as my imagination has made it.

I have no idea why, but I've always wanted to go to Paris. I guess because I've always wanted to be an artist or fashion designer (even if I've taken the latter back), and Paris is famous for both of those things. And bread. I love bread.

My junior year of high school, I was thisclose to getting to visit Paris on this 10 day trip to Europe with my Spanish class. We would have gone to Paris, London, and Madrid, and we'd even get to go to Versailles (another one of my dream destinations). But last minute the company we would be touring with wouldn't take us to London because none of the other tour groups signed up for it, so they offered us longer periods of time in Paris and Madrid. Which I was fine with, and I think the other kids were fine with too, but someone's mom was like, "We paid for three places. Blah, blah, blah." and our trip was changed to Barcelona, Cote de Azure, and Rome. I'm not going to complain, it was a fantastic trip. I've been to five countries now: Spain, France, Italy, Monaco, and the Vatican (because it counts as it's own country even though it's in Rome), but if I could have spent three days in Paris over one night apiece in all of the other countries, I would've taken it, that's how devoted I am to Paris.

Now I desperately want to do study abroad. I found one for a whole semester in France for art credit and French language credit. But I can't get my parents to go for it because it costs $14,000. My mom keeps saying that I've been abroad as a reason that they won't help me go to France, but a) I didn't go to Paris specifically, the one place I've wanted to go forever. Not all places abroad are interchangeable. And b) I'd get college credit for this one. My mom just keeps telling me to save up and go one day when I have a job.

I get that it's super expensive, and that I could go to France on my own and save about $10,000, but if we're being perfectly honest, I'm probably not going to. I'm terrified of everything, and I'm not a very independent person. I rarely leave my apartment now, and in a country where I don't speak the language and I saw that movie Taken where they kidnap girls, get them hooked on drugs, and sell them for sex, I wouldn't leave the hotel in France. I'm not proactive enough to just pick up and move to France either. If I went with a study abroad program, they'd provide me with a place to live, food, and I'd be with other people my age who also speak English. In short, I'm a baby, and I need to be taken care of because I sure as hell can't do it.

One day...

30 Days of Truth - Day 4

You'll notice that it took me forever to get to day 4.

That's because it's taken me forever to decide to forgive someone.

Like I said before, I have a hard time forgiving people. Actually, that's not even true. I get my feelings hurt very easily, over very stupid things that shouldn't matter. Like a friend of mine tagged everyone from our college and career group to go eat at some restaurant in his facebook status except me, and my feelings are hurt. Then I blog about them (see what I did the sentence before?) or paint or even more rarely, exercise, and I forget about it. Then I guess I just expect people to be better or something or feel badly for being rude to me, but they aren't and they don't, and they do one more perceived wrong to me, no matter how small or insignificant or stupid, and I just can't forgive them. This is usually followed by absolute refusal to communicate with them and a lot of grudge holding. There's a girl from my high school that sent me a friend request (facebook heavy today) and I refuse to accept it because I do not forgive her for what she put me through in high school even though we were "best friends".

Of course, the people I don't forgive never have any clue what they did, and of course, I only remember the one instance specifically and not all of the other things that build up to it, and of course, it's stupid and if I told them they'd probably get mad at me in return for being an idiot. But unsurprisingly, I don't care. You probably figured that when I told you I haven't talked to someone in 3 years. My friend Robert says I have to forgive to be forgiven, but honestly, he's kind of an asshole sometimes, and I'm actually still angry with him about something so he can shove it.

At any rate, I've decided to forgive my friend Julian. He falls into the category of people who don't know exactly what they did to me, and I've decided that the reason doesn't even matter so I won't go into detail because isn't the point of forgiveness that it's in the past?

So, Julian, I forgive you, and I'm sorry for not being a better friend.

Merry Christmas!

My favorite commercial ever is appropriately Christmas related. Happy Holidays!

30 Days of Truth - Day 3

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Forgiveness does not come easy for me. It's defined as "ceasing one's resentment against." I'm definitely more comfortable burying my resentments deep inside and remaining bitter for life, and I'm definitely not good at turning the spotlight on myself, but here goes.

Essence, I forgive you for losing your mind over a guy.

I know when you were younger, you promised that you'd never be like the girls from your high school who dated a different guy every week and swore they were in love and talked about marrying some teenager, and you didn't want to be that girl. You wanted to be successful and independent and awesome. You wanted anything besides Ennis, Texas and that's okay too. Your last relationship was a lesson, ma'am. It's okay to like a guy and flirt. It's okay to date someone and trust someone and be vulnerable.

What's not okay is morphing into a Bella Swan-esque harpie and completely losing all of your morals and ethics and whatever freaking means anything to you for nothing. It almost seems fitting that things didn't work out as retribution for being a total ass in high school. But I forgive you.

But now you know. And make sure the next time you lose your shit for a guy, he's fucking worth it.

Some day, someone's going to find all this crazy adorable.

30 Days of Truth - Day 2

Day 2 - Something you love about yourself.

Why is it so much harder to think of something that I love about myself than something I hate?

I love that I teach myself to do things, if that makes sense.

When I was younger, I had an amazing reading level for my age. I just read all of the time. I ended up skipping first grade and everything. My favorite books of all time was the Little House on the Prairie series. I loved how they made everything by hand. Laura Ingalls Wilder sewed her own dresses and quilts, milked her own cows, made her own butter, rode horses, and for a while, took care of her entire family of 6 with just the help of her father. I loved it, and I still want a pony.

At 8 years old, I couldn't get a cow or pony or make my own butter, but I could sew my own quilts (although, I haven't ever actually made a quilt...). So I went to my school's library and checked out books on quilt and doll making (I've made tons of dolls), and I taught myself to sew. I made clothes for my Cabbage Patch dolls and Barbies before moving on to making clothes for myself. My parents bought me one of those kiddie sewing machines, but the thread was always tangled and I hated it, so at 13, I saved up my lunch/chore money and bought my second sewing machine, an actual Brother sewing machine that I still use today.

And that's just sewing. Over the past 12 or so years, I've also taught myself to knit, crochet, bake, bind books, and reupholster furniture. If I want to learn anything, I've just grabbed a book and taught myself. That seems a great quality to have.

So, y'all have seen stuff I've sewn...

Blurry picture of a scarf I knit for a Glee swap. I actually prefer knitting to crochet, so it's rare that I crochet anything.

I got the recipe for baking bread from a cookbook, and y'all should already know about my love of baking cupcakes.

I found this old chair in my parents' garage and decided to change it up.

I painted it brown, re-stuffed it, and reupholstered it with a water-resistant fabric.

Maybe I just love my crafty nature in general?

30 Days of Truth - Day 1

I found this cool thing online called "30 Days of Truth." It's pretty self-explanatory, and now I don't have to come up with interesting blog topics! Ready?

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself.

It might surprise people to know that I hate a lot of things about myself. Or not. Maybe you guessed that my extreme narcissism is a facade to hide my vulnerabilities?

But I guess the thing I hate the most is how I react to situations because I do exactly that. I react as opposed to responding. I go with my first instinct, to whine or bitch or throw a tantrum or get angry, rather than taking the time to think and not make an ass of myself.

For everyone I've gone psycho on, I'm sorry, and I totally know that I'm crazy in retrospect. I just need to work on catching it beforehand (Or we could make a group decision to not piss me off, whichever is easier).

Just kidding! Mostly. <---I can't figure out why this one section is underlined?

Mean Girls

I like mean girls. Not like the movie though. I mean 'mean girls' like snarky, sarcastic women with a little bit of an attitude. Usually powerful in some way, and bonus points for great comedic timing and especially witty remarks.

I get called "mean" a lot. I've never really understood it. While I can readily admit that I am more of the bitter, catty mean than the funny kind, I do not set out with the intention to hurt people, which I've always believed is the difference between actual mean, inspired by hatred, envy, or negative emotions, and snarky, awesome mean, inspired by the desire to be funny with timing and sarcasm. But seriously, even when I try to be "nice," I still get called mean, which is why I gave up and started just saying whatever I felt like saying (If I do say mean things now, it's because I'm being bluntly honest since I lost my filter or trying to be funny/mean, not because I "hate" anyone or I'm trying to hurt feelings).

Is it sad that I aspire to be the sassy mean that makes people laugh rather than upset? I'm confident that one day I will get there, or run off all people so that I'm alone and it doesn't matter anymore, but until that day, I will continue to study these mean girls so that one day, I hold the gift of properly applied cynicism and wit.


#1 - Megan Mullally as Karen Walker.

Did you ever watch Will and Grace? And if you did, it was because of Karen Walker, right? She's so amazing. I really want to be her when I grow up, rich and mean, always holding a cocktail, and yelling for my maid. Also, she has a gay best friend. I want a GBF.



#2 - Rachael Harris as Cooper

If you've never seen Will and Grace, then I know you've never seen Notes from the Underbelly. It was a great show on ABC that just never really took off with the general public, which is disappointing, because I loved it. Then again, it was a show about babies, and I only started watching during my baby craze, so I might not be the best judge... But it follows this young couple who want to have a baby, but they don't know if they should. Cooper is the best friend. You know the one, the single, alcohol loving, sexually available friend. Except she's great because she's amazingly acerbic. I think Ms. Harris just does a great job portraying bitchy people in general because she's also Melissa from The Hangover (if you were wondering where you'd seen her before. Let it also be noted that she is not Julie Benz. I know, I get them confused sometimes too).




It takes a minute or two to get to the Cooper-goodness, but I promise she's worth it.

#3 - Aly Michalka as Rhiannon

I am fully aware that Aly is not the main character of Easy A. I know she was only in about 20 minutes of the whole thing. I know I should be upset about her turning on her friend in her moment of need. But I loved Rhiannon. More than Emma Stone's character, Olive. There. I said it, and I'm not sorry. I guess it's because Aly Michalka was a Disney girl (Phil of the Future, and she had a singing gig with her sister, A.J.), and I thought she was a full-blown Hilary (as in, Duff) and that she wasn't going to act ever again and then she busts out with Rhiannon (and a cheerdleading show on the CW). Rhi is hilarious. I don't want to be like her now (okay, maybe a little), but I definitely wish I had her spunk during my high school years (believe it or not, there was a point in my life where I was quiet and shy and even more awkward than now).



I wanted the scene where Rhi calls Olive a bitch like 80 times, but since it's a new release only official clips and trailers exist on youtube. You should rent/buy it anyway because even though Rhiannon's part is small, it's a great movie on the bigger scale as well.

#4 - Chelsea Handler

I love this woman. She has a talk show on E! called 'Chelsea Lately' where she makes fun of celebrities, does random skits, and interviews celebrities. And not the nice interviews like Ellen or Oprah where they try to make the interviewee look great and like an excellent person. Chelsea makes fun of them, even if she is saying nice things. It's wonderful. Whenever I watch her show at home, my mom asks, "Why do you like her? She's so mean!" and of course, that is why I love her. She makes her living poking fun at people who do stupid things in the first place. And she's multi-functional. She also has three books, she does stand up comedy, and writes an advice column in Cosmo. She makes fun of people through three different types of media. Tell me that's not amazing.



#5 - Tina Fey as Liz Lemon
Regardless of whether or not I finally become the perfect mix of funny/mean, I'll willing to bet I end up exactly like Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. I was reluctant to watch the show when it first came out because it was so hyped up and it won so many Emmys (I hate popular things. See Twilight, Lost, and those sneakers that tone your lower body.), but I started watching it on Netflix because I needed to see what the fuss was about and I'm glad I did because I watched all four available seasons back to back. Seriously, 15 years from now I will have a great job in New York City, no husband or significant other, and be on a list to adopt a baby.* Not that I aspire to all of those things, but Liz and I are so similar, right down to our hatred of people, our love of food and the fact that we usually have food stains on our clothes.



You don't have to watch all ten minutes, it gets a little monotonous without the back stories, but the first two minutes explain her snarkiness and show other people making fun of her.

#6 - Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester

I don't want to be Sue Sylvester. Sure, she's a great mix of funny and mean, and probably the easiest type of funny/mean for me to transition to, because it's mostly mean and self-centered, but if Sue were a real person, no one would like her. They certainly wouldn't think she was funny (well, maybe if they were talking about her behind her back, people like me would admit to loving her, but it wouldn't be acceptable to broadcast that you think she's hilarious). But as a TV personality, I can safely say that I love her. I would cry and probably pee my pants if I went to McKinley High and she spoke to me, but I love her.



'Sneaky Gays' is my favorite Sue's Corner! And if you don't watch Glee, you are definitely missing out on great mean girl fun every episode. It's not just Sue; Quinn, Santana, Terry, and Rachel** are also delightfully mean.



Admit it, you want to be a little mean now too. Or just watch all of the amazing television shows I watch. Who's your favorite mean girl? Or television show with a "mean" woman?

*Speaking of which, my mom says that the baby craze is a phase that will pass once I get my career going and buy a house (and hopefully, the husband part; still her words, not mine.) Then it will come back in my mid-thirties whether or not I already have kids, but especially if I don't. That's comforting, huh?


**If you watch Glee, does it strike anyone else as odd that Rachel asked Santa for Finn last Christmas? She's Jewish, and openly spoke about not believing in Jesus or even comfortable dating someone who believes in Jesus and wanting to raise her future babies as Jews (it was a tumultuous couple minutes), but she essentially prays to Santa, a mascot for a "Christian" holiday? CREEPY AND CONFUSING.

Baby Fever

Does being a girl make every girl a little baby crazy?

Believe it or not, I used to be against the idea of procreation. From about grade 7 to 12th I adamantly protested that I would never have kids. This was partially because I believed that no one wanted to have babies with me, partially because everyone in Ennis got pregnant and that annoys me (On another, more pathetic note, is it sad that I believe the fact that I'm from Ennis, not pregnant nor have ever been close to getting pregnant mean that I'm unattractive? Because seriously, pretty much every girl from Ennis has a baby.) I used to feel like getting married and having babies was a cop out to leaving home and having an actual life. I wanted to travel, and be a famous fashion designer, and live in my New York apartment with my dog, and probably die alone, but at least I wouldn't still be in Ennis.

Apparently, I'm just a late bloomer, that's all. Fast forward to my young adult years, and I cannot walk past the childrens' clothing in Target with out pointing out the adorable baby sweaters or the baby section in Walmart without cooing over the tiny socks (seriously, baby socks are so, so tiny and adorable). I can't emphasize enough how much I hated the idea of having children when I was younger. Now I want like 8 (minimum 3, we'll see).

Can you really say no to this?

At work on Monday, I mentioned that I wanted a baby. One of the girls said she'd be my baby, which is sweet and all, but she's 9, and I want a baby baby so I can get socks and smell that sweet baby smell and hold it while it's all squishy and wiggly (damn girl hormones). When I said as much, another girl told me to go have a baby then.
"Are you implying that I should just go get a baby? Where would I get a baby?"
"No, I'm saying go to the club, meet a guy, and have a baby."

I love that kids think it's that easy (actually, if I just wanted a baby, it probably would be that easy). I read an article in a magazine that said that men want marriage and children conditionally, like "I'll get married and have kids on the condition that I meet the right girl," whereas women plan on getting married and having kids without even meeting a guy. We just hope that one's out there, and eventually select one to fulfill those dreams. It's so interesting, but so true at the same time. I just don't want to be that girl, who picks out her wedding dress and colors and names her children*, but then never has any of that. But at the same time, if I don't plan on any of that, will it actually happen? I'm still gonna go with blaming the girl hormones...

At any rate, I want babies. But it is me, and I'm infinitely picky, so I most definitely will not be one of those crazies who want a baby with anyone. And no being like my mother and telling me that I'm too young to be worried about these things (because like I said, pretty much everyone I know has a kid). I believe it's never too early to worry about dying alone in your fancy New York apartment and not having anyone find your body until it starts to smell (damn girl hormones).

*Is it also weird that I've thought way more about being a mom than actually getting married?