Friday, September 10, 2010

Happy Birthday.

Disclaimer: Let me start off by saying that I know before I post this that I'm going to sound whiny and ungrateful. So if you've had enough of my pity parade, feel free to skip this post. I promise to return to my usual ray of sunshine self after this last one.

I hate my birthday. I always have, and after this particularly depressing birthday, I'm making it official. Every year, I think it'll be different, that I'll have a great birthday with a super party and people will remember and get me a present, but no, it's always disappointing.

My birthday has always been awful. No one ever remembers. Even my parents forget the actual day sometimes (September 7th? No, Mom, the 6th.) My sister always got a card in the mail from random relatives. Always close to her birthday, always with money in it. I got a card 6 months later, absolutely empty except for the signatures. I know my family meant nothing by it, but as a kid, that's depressing.

My friends not remembering was worse. I thought it was because my birthday was so close to the beginning of school that my friends never remembered, but then in high school, my birthday was between Justin's and Aaron's and people always remembered theirs but never mine. So I figured I should start remembering theirs and making a big deal of it. Reciprocation, right? Be a great friend who made cupcakes and picked the perfect present to get some recognition on my birthday (I know, that's not how it should work, but I was 14 and more self-centered than now, if you can believe that.) So I would ask what kind of cupcakes they wanted and bake them and get up early the next morning to frost them and bring them into the band hall and have the cupcakes disappear and people rave about how good they were. But when my birthday rolled around, nothing.

So for the past 5 years, I've made my own birthday cupcakes. I always got weird stares and I'm sure people talked about me, but if I wasn't excited to turn one year older, who would be?

But this birthday has officially done me in. I turned 20 on Monday, my boyfriend broke up with me the week before, and now nobody was going to celebrate with me. Cassandra was supposed to take me shopping, but the night before, she told me to sleep in so she could go play tennis with some boy. I don't sleep in. I'm awake by 8 AM everyday and if I make myself sleep, I sleep all day. So on my birthday, I cried for 4 hours until she came back and finally took me to the mall. Then she and Hanna started dragging. When I asked what was wrong, she said, "I'm tired." No shit. Maybe because you got up early to blow me off on my birthday.

I was upset most of the day because I get Facebook updates sent to my phone. Every couple of minutes, my text message alert goes off, and it'd be some random person saying 'Happy Birthday!' on my wall. Towards the end of the day Lexie asked if I was having a good birthday. I said no because Anthony never wished me a happy birthday, not even on my Facebook wall, which is the most passive aggressive way to do it, and we're supposed to be friends or some bullshit like that. Even his mom and sister wished me a happy birthday. I'm pretty sure Lexie texted him because then he texted me and said he had a card for me and to tell him when I got home so he could bring it over. So he brought me this Mickey Mouse card and that was it. It's like the proverbial nail in the coffin for me.

See, for Anthony's birthday, even though it's like 5 months from now, I bought him the Beats by Dr. Dre headphones that he's wanted for forever. And before anyone makes any comments about the price, we would have been celebrating our 1 year anniversary in addition to his 21st birthday, and we would have been good friends for 3 years. Plus, I had a surplus of money because it turns out I paid for the first 2 months rent instead of the first and last's months so I had like $800, and I don't mind spending money on my friends. Ironically, a week after I bought them, he broke up with me, but I figured I'd give them to him anyway since we're supposed to be friends or some bullshit. But then he brought me a card. Just a card on my shitty birthday. Just a card that he probably didn't even buy until after Lexie told him I was pissed off that he was ignoring my birthday. I honestly would rather that he didn't wish me happy birthday at all.

So at this point, I don't want to talk to him. I don't care if we get back together or not. I don't want to be his friend. I'm not crying over him anymore, and I'm returning those stupid headphones and buying myself something shiny since I'm the only person on planet Earth who cares that I was born.

Except I didn't even have cake this year.

On a more positive note, I have a job interview today. Wish me luck!

Also, thank you for reading this far. Don't leave any comments about me being a selfish bitch though, I can't take it right now.


  1. My family has never been big on celebrating birthdays.
    Most of the time we text or call each other to say happy birthday, but that's about it. We're too broke to go all out with the presents and the celebrating.
    Last year, though, my sister threw me a party.
    It was fun, although I wish she had used the money and bought me an iPad. lol

    Happy birthday and congratulations on the job interview!

  2. i know how you feel about being forgotten on your birthday. i am very good at remembering people's birthdays and making a big fuss when the date comes around -- you know cards, cupcakes, balloons, gifts... and, normally, a few months later, i do not even get the slightest bit of reciprocation. ugh!

    but the bake-your-own-birthday-cupcakes idea is great. i'm going to start doing that and not share with anybody! (which is really mean because people LOVE my cupcakes. mwuahhaahaha!)

    btw, i don't think you're selfish at all. maybe you should think of it more as self-love, so that you won't be so disappointed by others in the future. in any case, i wish you many happy birthdays to come. and thoroughly enjoy whatever shiny gift you buy for yourself. you deserve it!


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