30 Days of Truth - Day 4

You'll notice that it took me forever to get to day 4.

That's because it's taken me forever to decide to forgive someone.

Like I said before, I have a hard time forgiving people. Actually, that's not even true. I get my feelings hurt very easily, over very stupid things that shouldn't matter. Like a friend of mine tagged everyone from our college and career group to go eat at some restaurant in his facebook status except me, and my feelings are hurt. Then I blog about them (see what I did the sentence before?) or paint or even more rarely, exercise, and I forget about it. Then I guess I just expect people to be better or something or feel badly for being rude to me, but they aren't and they don't, and they do one more perceived wrong to me, no matter how small or insignificant or stupid, and I just can't forgive them. This is usually followed by absolute refusal to communicate with them and a lot of grudge holding. There's a girl from my high school that sent me a friend request (facebook heavy today) and I refuse to accept it because I do not forgive her for what she put me through in high school even though we were "best friends".

Of course, the people I don't forgive never have any clue what they did, and of course, I only remember the one instance specifically and not all of the other things that build up to it, and of course, it's stupid and if I told them they'd probably get mad at me in return for being an idiot. But unsurprisingly, I don't care. You probably figured that when I told you I haven't talked to someone in 3 years. My friend Robert says I have to forgive to be forgiven, but honestly, he's kind of an asshole sometimes, and I'm actually still angry with him about something so he can shove it.

At any rate, I've decided to forgive my friend Julian. He falls into the category of people who don't know exactly what they did to me, and I've decided that the reason doesn't even matter so I won't go into detail because isn't the point of forgiveness that it's in the past?

So, Julian, I forgive you, and I'm sorry for not being a better friend.