Mean Girls

I like mean girls. Not like the movie though. I mean 'mean girls' like snarky, sarcastic women with a little bit of an attitude. Usually powerful in some way, and bonus points for great comedic timing and especially witty remarks.

I get called "mean" a lot. I've never really understood it. While I can readily admit that I am more of the bitter, catty mean than the funny kind, I do not set out with the intention to hurt people, which I've always believed is the difference between actual mean, inspired by hatred, envy, or negative emotions, and snarky, awesome mean, inspired by the desire to be funny with timing and sarcasm. But seriously, even when I try to be "nice," I still get called mean, which is why I gave up and started just saying whatever I felt like saying (If I do say mean things now, it's because I'm being bluntly honest since I lost my filter or trying to be funny/mean, not because I "hate" anyone or I'm trying to hurt feelings).

Is it sad that I aspire to be the sassy mean that makes people laugh rather than upset? I'm confident that one day I will get there, or run off all people so that I'm alone and it doesn't matter anymore, but until that day, I will continue to study these mean girls so that one day, I hold the gift of properly applied cynicism and wit.


#1 - Megan Mullally as Karen Walker.

Did you ever watch Will and Grace? And if you did, it was because of Karen Walker, right? She's so amazing. I really want to be her when I grow up, rich and mean, always holding a cocktail, and yelling for my maid. Also, she has a gay best friend. I want a GBF.



#2 - Rachael Harris as Cooper

If you've never seen Will and Grace, then I know you've never seen Notes from the Underbelly. It was a great show on ABC that just never really took off with the general public, which is disappointing, because I loved it. Then again, it was a show about babies, and I only started watching during my baby craze, so I might not be the best judge... But it follows this young couple who want to have a baby, but they don't know if they should. Cooper is the best friend. You know the one, the single, alcohol loving, sexually available friend. Except she's great because she's amazingly acerbic. I think Ms. Harris just does a great job portraying bitchy people in general because she's also Melissa from The Hangover (if you were wondering where you'd seen her before. Let it also be noted that she is not Julie Benz. I know, I get them confused sometimes too).




It takes a minute or two to get to the Cooper-goodness, but I promise she's worth it.

#3 - Aly Michalka as Rhiannon

I am fully aware that Aly is not the main character of Easy A. I know she was only in about 20 minutes of the whole thing. I know I should be upset about her turning on her friend in her moment of need. But I loved Rhiannon. More than Emma Stone's character, Olive. There. I said it, and I'm not sorry. I guess it's because Aly Michalka was a Disney girl (Phil of the Future, and she had a singing gig with her sister, A.J.), and I thought she was a full-blown Hilary (as in, Duff) and that she wasn't going to act ever again and then she busts out with Rhiannon (and a cheerdleading show on the CW). Rhi is hilarious. I don't want to be like her now (okay, maybe a little), but I definitely wish I had her spunk during my high school years (believe it or not, there was a point in my life where I was quiet and shy and even more awkward than now).



I wanted the scene where Rhi calls Olive a bitch like 80 times, but since it's a new release only official clips and trailers exist on youtube. You should rent/buy it anyway because even though Rhiannon's part is small, it's a great movie on the bigger scale as well.

#4 - Chelsea Handler

I love this woman. She has a talk show on E! called 'Chelsea Lately' where she makes fun of celebrities, does random skits, and interviews celebrities. And not the nice interviews like Ellen or Oprah where they try to make the interviewee look great and like an excellent person. Chelsea makes fun of them, even if she is saying nice things. It's wonderful. Whenever I watch her show at home, my mom asks, "Why do you like her? She's so mean!" and of course, that is why I love her. She makes her living poking fun at people who do stupid things in the first place. And she's multi-functional. She also has three books, she does stand up comedy, and writes an advice column in Cosmo. She makes fun of people through three different types of media. Tell me that's not amazing.



#5 - Tina Fey as Liz Lemon
Regardless of whether or not I finally become the perfect mix of funny/mean, I'll willing to bet I end up exactly like Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. I was reluctant to watch the show when it first came out because it was so hyped up and it won so many Emmys (I hate popular things. See Twilight, Lost, and those sneakers that tone your lower body.), but I started watching it on Netflix because I needed to see what the fuss was about and I'm glad I did because I watched all four available seasons back to back. Seriously, 15 years from now I will have a great job in New York City, no husband or significant other, and be on a list to adopt a baby.* Not that I aspire to all of those things, but Liz and I are so similar, right down to our hatred of people, our love of food and the fact that we usually have food stains on our clothes.



You don't have to watch all ten minutes, it gets a little monotonous without the back stories, but the first two minutes explain her snarkiness and show other people making fun of her.

#6 - Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester

I don't want to be Sue Sylvester. Sure, she's a great mix of funny and mean, and probably the easiest type of funny/mean for me to transition to, because it's mostly mean and self-centered, but if Sue were a real person, no one would like her. They certainly wouldn't think she was funny (well, maybe if they were talking about her behind her back, people like me would admit to loving her, but it wouldn't be acceptable to broadcast that you think she's hilarious). But as a TV personality, I can safely say that I love her. I would cry and probably pee my pants if I went to McKinley High and she spoke to me, but I love her.



'Sneaky Gays' is my favorite Sue's Corner! And if you don't watch Glee, you are definitely missing out on great mean girl fun every episode. It's not just Sue; Quinn, Santana, Terry, and Rachel** are also delightfully mean.



Admit it, you want to be a little mean now too. Or just watch all of the amazing television shows I watch. Who's your favorite mean girl? Or television show with a "mean" woman?

*Speaking of which, my mom says that the baby craze is a phase that will pass once I get my career going and buy a house (and hopefully, the husband part; still her words, not mine.) Then it will come back in my mid-thirties whether or not I already have kids, but especially if I don't. That's comforting, huh?


**If you watch Glee, does it strike anyone else as odd that Rachel asked Santa for Finn last Christmas? She's Jewish, and openly spoke about not believing in Jesus or even comfortable dating someone who believes in Jesus and wanting to raise her future babies as Jews (it was a tumultuous couple minutes), but she essentially prays to Santa, a mascot for a "Christian" holiday? CREEPY AND CONFUSING.